Life itself by definition is pain and suffering, whether it's on the outside or on the inside. But I'm not there very often anymore, because now I'm in this bubble of positivity and calmness and doing things I want to do and just enjoying the moment instead of worrying about the future or yearning for the past, but sometimes quiet echoes of that still call me from far away. It seams the more well ballanced I am becoming, the more I see that everything is just about perception, and so my question is, what actually is reality? Does is even exist?

This is a very important question. I can't stress this enough.

Everything, all happiness and pain, horror, delight, the way we feel about the world around us, it's all subjective and everyone reacts differently, so what is the REAL TRUTH? I'm talking about things other than major disasters, which are OBVIOUSLY really bad. I'm talking about more subtle aspects of life, like whether we all really need life partners, or whether it really matters what other people think of us, whether we mean anything to anyone, or even just how we feel in general about daily life. It's all determined so much by the state your body and mind are physically in. Mine are becoming in far better shape than they used to be. My special nutrients must be bringing my histamine level down. I don't know, I can't explain it really, it's just my obsessional nature is slipping away, and also the generally improved diet seams to make me feel a lot calmer than I used to. Also, we must not forget that I've been on the herbal anti-depressant St John's Wort again since July, so that must be having quite a significant effect. Sometimes lately I just feel like I'm in a soft, gentle bubble of positivity and calmness, and I'm thinking to myself, I'm probably not supposed to take SJW for the rest of my life, but the thing is, it seams to have absolutely no side effects or cause any health problems, so sometimes I think to myself, if I could exist inside this bubble for the rest of my life and not do myself any harm, that would be so fantastic!

But my point is this: the way I used to be, all the severe mood swings and obsessive thoughts and anxiety, and then now, I'm falling into this fluffy cloud of loveliness, and I'm thinking to myself, does my whole life actually have no relation to reality at all? There's a lot around me which is the same as before, but it's like I'm seeing it with different eyes, but will I ever really know what any of it truly looks like? But do I even care? Not really.

Thinking is fun. Sometimes.