Cats 

My Live Aid DVD arrived yesterday. It's great fun to see all those 80s musicians performing nearly 20 years ago. My mum especially liked the bits with Queen and Status Quo. I thought Sting singing the "I want my MTV" part of Money For Nothing with Dire Straits was quite good. U2 were pretty good too.

I also watched my new Ricky Gervais DVD: Live 2 - Politics. On the cover the Observer said, "Excruciatingly, bowel-achingly funny," and they definately weren't wrong! I was watching it in bed really early this morning, and desperately had to struggle not to make too much noise laughing.

I'm gonna keep buying DVDs every week now that I'm regularly earning money again. Why not? Save a bit, spend a bit. If I'm working hard all week, I deserve to treat myself a bit.

Yesterday I was due to meet up with two friends from one of my walking groups, to help them do a walk-round for their route. I phoned James once I got to what I thought was the correct car park, and he arrived shortly afterwards, but there was no sign of Gordon. James phoned him, left a message telling him where we were. We spent about half an hour driving around all the car parks along that road, but still no sign of Gordon. The weather was getting worse. Light rain had turned into sleet, which was now developing into snow! James received a call from Gorson saying he'd decided not to do the walk due to the weather, but then heard the phone message and had gone looking for us, just at the time when we went searching the other car parks.

Gordon invited us back to his house in the nearby town. James had the best map, so I followed him. Big mistake, because James went completely the wrong way round a few roundabouts, and ended up going all the way round the edge of the town and back in the other side, ending up on some unkown housing estate. James decided to give me the map. We eventually got to Gordon's house over an hour after we'd orginally left the car park. It was a fun adventure, driving around in the snow.

We eventually went to a pub in town. I didn't know what to buy to eat, so I just ordered chips and salad. Big mistake, because potatoes have quite a high GI rating (Glycaemic Index - how fast it raises your blood glucose level), so if eaten without protein or a low GI carbohydrate, is bad news for me because if my blood glucose level goes too high then my body over-compensates and it comes crashing down too low afterwards. An hour or so after I'd eaten them, I started feeling quite peculia, slightly spaced-out, weak, and I was starting to shake. I was far too weak and disorientated to drive myself home.

Luckily I still had a few packets of oatcakes left and an apple. I parked my car in a convenient place, and quickly chomped down two whole packets of oatcakes and my apple. After a few minutes rest, I was feeling slightly better. Not perfect, but good enough to drive myself home anyway.

It just goes to show, that my energy levels have generally been pretty good lately, and I was starting to wonder whether I was blowing my whole blood glucose imballance thing out of proportion; but yesterday confirms that it's a genuine problem for me if I'm not careful, and that the reason I've generally felt so good lately is because I've been eating such a healthy diet, snacking on all those slow-releasing foods while I work, such as the oatcake, apples, nut butter and nuts.

This is why I don't like eating out, it's so complicated. Next time I'm in a situation like that, I'll order fish with it and just not eat the batter (to avoid the wheat).

I've been ordering lots of DVDs since I've been earning money in my current job. The latest ones to arrive were: Live Aid, Bill Bailey Part Troll, and Ricky Gervais Live 2 Politics.

The Ricky Gervais one is absolutely hilarious!!!

Every night we get really close to death, simply by going to sleep. What would happen if, one night, we went to sleep but didn't wake up the next morning? Would we continue to dream? Imagine that! Your body dies but you carry on dreaming, you just live on forever, not in Heaven or Hell or any kind of religious nonsense like that, but just simply within your own dreamworld, and nobody else knows you're still existing there, and you're just floating around all this weirdness that happens when you dream, going endlessly from one surreal situation to another (but would that eventually just become normal?), neverending, and nobody knows you're there, just like nobody knows what's happening to you when you normally dream, because you're no longer in anyone elses reality, just inside your own head, but what if your head doesn't really exist, it's just a way for us to make sense of this dreamworld that we go to every night? And what if that's the REAL reality, and the fake one is the one where everyone else is, all running around, bumping into each other, thump thump thump, falling over and over and over, past the hilltop, and it's a lovely summer's day, and there is a nice breeze in the air, and all the little birdies are singing, and nothing really matters...

I quite like the Next Blog button at the top of the blogs. It's like flicking through TV channels on a TV remote, until you find something interesting. Channel surfing for people who like to read (what people are thinking).

However, yesterday I came up with a great idea. I copied the link from the Next Blog button (http://www.blogger.com/redirect/next_blog.pyra?navBar=true) and set it as my Internet Explorer homepage. Now, every time I open my browser, I get a random blog!

Also, ever post lots of comments on different blogs, but can't keep track of any replies to them? Well, a while ago I came up with a handy little technique to keep track of them. I created a folder on my desktop called Blog Topics I've Comment On, and each time I post a comment on somebody's blog, I drag down from the address bar into that folder, and it leaves a shortcut. I don't keep checking on them like some demented moron, I just look through them once every week or two, and then delete them if no other replies are there.

Metally ill Christmas 

Deformed 

We sank backwards into sunshine, like childhood dreams and memories of wondering what things would be like one day, wondering who we would be, what we would see, who we would meet. Lying back, sinking into the bright warm sunshine, dreaming of blue sky places and sea and sand and weekends away in another world. If I could dream of a day of just sky and flowers and voices in the distance, a neverending day, a neverending dream...

Really amusing picture

The most wonderful blog ever created

Broadway Tower, Worcestershire 

Broadway Tower, Worcestershire 

Bristol 

Bristol 

The M5 Motorway 

Last night I dreamt that it snowed while I was out somewhere, I think on a walk with my walking group, and then I came back home and my brother was there, and my parents were going to take him to an outdoor swimming pool to play snowball fights with his friends. I felt really sad that I had nobody to play snowball fights with, and I started crying and screaming, "I've got no-one to have fun with!" and banging my head violently against the window. I think this dream represents my frustration at my current situation, the fact that, although I really enjoy my current job, it exhausts me so much that I no longer do many of the fun things I used to do.

One day (because for something to happen on more than one day simultaneously would involve breaking the rules of the space-time continuum), Dave ran out of his office block and onto the street. "TAXI!" he shouted at a taxi, it stopped, he jumped in, said where he wanted to go, and was driven speedily away as he contemplated the tall shiney tower blocks.

At the docks, he jumped out of the taxi, gave the taxi driver his entire wallet, removed his clothes, and then took a running jump into the water, where the underground robots were waiting for him.

The End.

The absolute genius that is Dane Martin

Give me a reason to live,
Give me a reason to die,
Give me a reason to laugh,
Give me a reason to cry,
Give me a reason to run,
Give me a reason to hide,
Give me a reason to
Shut my eyes
And drift away
Forever

I had my 3rd appointment with my nutrition consultant today. I told her about how the stress of my job was affecting me, and she said I may have to give some thought as to whether it's the right job for me.

She says the stress makes my body generate too much adrenalin, which in turn sends my blood sugar level all out of control. On top of that, I told her that at weekends I'm so exhausted that I feel no good for anything, and then I sometimes get miserable because I just stay in and not do much.

I told her about something which happened a couple of weeks ago. I'd had a pretty full-on stressful Friday. I finished late, exhausted, and then on top of that, I had to work all day Saturday to help with the shop's stock take. By Monday I felt like I hadn't had enough rest, and I started to feel quite spaced out, like nothing made any sense, like I wasn't quite sure what was real and what was in my head. I also started hearing my name being said. She showed me a medical chart which showed that excessive adrenalin can cause perception problems. She said that if it happens again then I'm putting myself in real danger.

She said that the way I was feeling at weekends was my body's way of telling me that I'm burning myself out, that's it's too much. The thing is, driving takes a lot of concentration. You try driving a van for 8 hours a day, five day a week! And on top of that, all the heavy boxes of shopping I have to shift about, it means that by the end of the week I'm exhausted both mentally AND physically.

I said that I have no trouble getting to sleep, but sometimes I wake up too early. Apparantly this is my adrenal glands working overtime due to the stress.

She advised me to give some serious thought as to whether it's the right job for me, or whether I could reduce my hours and job share with somebody else. When I applied for this job, there was a space on the form to mention any health issues. I left it blank, because I thought I'd be able to manage. I didn't think it would be an issue. Little did I realise just how much stress can affect me.

But the funny thing is, I do actually enjoy the job, so this whole thing is really confusing. Something I keep telling people is, "I really like my job, but it sucks the very life out of me!"

And what I do is still not good enough, because they complain that I'm too slow or I get this and that wrong or they complain about my driving skills or whatever. I get held up in rush hour traffic, I get delayed when other stores mess me about and put things in stupid places, and sometimes there's just not enough hours in the day, it's like I'm being pushed and pulled in too many directions at once but all the blame comes down to me. I'm doing 85 deleveries a week, but still I'm told it needs to be at least 100, and I'm told that things will get busier just before Christmas. Maybe this job would be better split between two part-time people. Sometimes it's just too much to do this every day for 5 days running.

And they only pay me for 39 hours when what I do is more like 45, because my hours are 10 till 7 which includes an hour of unpaid lunch time, but on really busy days I barely get to stop!

I like it because I never get time to get bored, and time just flies past really quickly. But am I gonna just burn myself out if I keep going at this pace?!

As dusk drifts in across the sky, I'm lying in the quarry; thoughts of secret places in the woods, and differet worlds away from my life and my mind but yesterday I didn't even expect this, and today, I'm not really here or there or anywhere, just a dream within a dream within a dream within a life within an explosion in the sky on the edge of the hilltop far away from anyone, look down and feel the cold dark imagination drift pass in the distant breeze of another time, another dream, another distorted memory, trickling down from the stars.

I'm going to play badminton in a few minutes! WAHEY!

I keep meaning to go for an early morning walk, through the woods or on the hill or something. I don't start work until 10am, so I keep meaning to go for one at 7am before I even have breakfast, because I often naturally wake up early anyway.

This is the view from my bedroom window, grey and mysterious, like everyone is asleep and time is standing still.