Here is a piece of music I did a couple of years ago:
http://www.mejc.demon.co.uk/Ed-PretendMetal3.mp3

I programmed it all in, using samples of guitar sounds. I was trying to see how realistic a "real band" sound I could get, but really it's just a piss-take, a bit of fun. It was just a laugh really. But check out the fake guitar solos, plus the lead harmonies towards the end.

It makes me laugh whenever I listen to it again.

Today I spent the day helping to take down an ABSOLUTELY HUGE marquee. It was the first job through a new agency I have signed up with. The weather was lovely, and so were the trees.

I would like to take the opportunity (for no other reason than I am a complete and utter lunatic) to point out that, although a most people seam to think of September as an Autumn month, it is in fact mostly a summer month.

A lot of people (including me) are lead to assume that the Autumn starts in September, because that's when kids go back to school for their "Autumn Term", beginning a new school year. However, strictly speaking, Autumn doesn't officially begin until September 21st, meaning that Summer continues until September 20th.

The reason for this is because of the temperature of the oceans. It is this, NOT the amount of sunlight, which apparantly defines our seasons.

The amount of sunlight goes like this (approx - dates vary slightly from year to year):

Winter Solstice - December 21st (least daylight)
Spring Equinox - March 21st (days and nights equal)
Summer Solstice - June 21st (most daylight)
Autumn Equinox - September 21st (days and nights equal)

If the seasons were to go according to the sunlight, these dates would be the middle of their seasons. They are in fact the beginning, because the oceans (and therefore the air around you) is behind by about a month and a half.

It is for this reason why I love spring so much, because you get such lovely warm sunshine, yet the air is still cool. I wish it could be spring all the time. In fact, I want to create a planet called the Spring Planet, where me and Dane could live, and some naked women could walk around, and we could ride giraffes and fly hang gliders off cliffs and land in lakes with underwater tunnels which lead to secret caves where a man in a silly hat talks backwards with his squirrel. Yes.

Yes.

I Need A Name For This Blog

This blog has sent my brain twisting itself round in circles. From what I can understand by looking at it,this person seams to have created a blog called I Need A Name For This Blog. The purpose of the blog: for this person to post ideas for names for the blog. But what do you call a blog where the sole purpose is to find a name for it? Surely the blog would cease to be of any use once a name is finally decided upon? I think my brain is about to melt...

ginda

I truly never ever thought I'd see a blog written in Arabic.

Stinchcombe Hill 

The LoonyHouse was ShockyVoiced at the minnymin who floated above his sloapy garden.

"I want to wear your underpants!" shouted the minnymin.
"NO!!!" roared the House.
"WHY NOT???" screamed the minnymin.
"Because tomorrow I am boarding a plane for New York, where I shall use a time machine to go back to 1998 and stand atop World Trade Center One. All my pairs of underpants will be used to make a giant paraglider for me to fly above the city, and then off into the distance, across the oceans far and wide in search of the meaning of life itself, where I shall find orange rivers, horses with only 3 legs, badgers on stilts, beautiful lakes made of cheese flavoured jelly, and the world's largest collection of autographed Cliff Richard albums."

I Don't Know Who I Am Anymore 

Falling Into Insanity 

Clifton Suspension Bridge, Clifton, Bristol, England, 12th May 2004.
 

Clifton Suspension Bridge, Clifton, Bristol, England, 12th May 2004.

This marvelous piece of engineering was designed by Isambard Kingdom Brunel. Building worked started on it in 1836 and was completed in 1864 after Brunel's death. It is 702 feet across the Avon Gorge, and is (I can tell you this from my own experience) very high above the river below. It is still used today as a major traffic route between the City of Bristol and the nearby district of North Somerset (the other side of the river). Cars pay a toll, but pedestrians can walk across is for free.

However, last year, when the nearby Ashton Court Music Festival and Bristol Balloon Fiesta were both on, there were safety concerns when, late at night, hundreds of festival-goers stormed across the bridge in numbers far greater than normal daily activity, and experts feared the vibrations were pushing the bridge to its limits. This year the bridge was closed for these events, and will be for any future such events, for fear that the "unthinkable" may one day happen. The bridge does, however, continue to be open the rest of the time.

If anybody is ever down that way, I highly recommend visiting it. Considering it was built 140 years ago, it is quite fantastic.

No! Don't Jump! (Clifton Suspension Bridge, Clifton, Bristol, England, 12th May 2004.)

Clifton Suspension Bridge, Clifton, Bristol, England, 11th August 2004. 

Clifton Suspension Bridge, Clifton, Bristol, England, 11th August 2004. 

Clifton Suspension Bridge, Clifton, Bristol, England, 11th August 2004. 

Clifton Suspension Bridge, Clifton, Bristol, England, 11th August 2004. 

The beginning of this dream is a bit vague, but I was out in the countryside somewhere, slightly lost. Then I suddenly found myself at an Iron Maiden Concert. I was sat right up near the front. Guitarist Dave Murray was late turning up. When he turned up, he stood next to me to play the guitar, squashed between me and the wall. I started playing notes on his guitar whilst he was playing, thinking that people would like it. Eventually he gave the guitar to me, and I stood up and started playing it, just playing random fast stuff. It sounded a bit odd, but everyone seamed to enjoy it and started cheering at me.

The City of Bath, England, 24th June 2004. 

The City of Bath, England, 24th June 2004. 

Definition of May

Having Dinner With Michelle

I was having dinner with my old friends Michelle and Paul and also Michelle's mum Debbie. Michelle's brother and sister weren't there though. We were eating pasta, and I suddenly asked Debbie, "Is this pasta made of wheat?" to which she replied, "Yes," to which I replied, "Oh no! That's my special diet out the window!" to which she then replied, "Oh, wait a minute, actually it's buckwheat."

Then we were eating something else, and we had this strange cutlery to eat it with, which was made out of wood. One of them had some kind of square thing on the end of it, and I was told this was to cool the food (??????).

Naked Cousins

I was sharing a bedroom with my two female cousins and their female friend. One of my cousins stood up and had a towel wrapped around her, and then she walked off towards an en-suite bathroom, dropping the towel as she went. Then the other two followed. I tried to follow as well (having a bath with 3 women sounded like my idea of fun), but I got shut out, so I said, "Right, that's it! I'm going to sleep in a different bedroom then!" and I went downstairs and actually ended up going into a downstairs bathroom to have a wee, and this young bloke was in there running a bath (probably one of their boyfriends).

The Cat Who Got Sent To Hell For Yawning Too Loudly 

The evil monster that guards the edge of the woods on the hill. 

The rain said to us, "You are full of strawberries and lemons in your shed, you must dance towards the fountain of the sun shoe, make it elasticate like in the movies, because then you will fall in love with a tree with your friend Dave's initials carved into it."

"Utter genius!" I thought to myself, put the severed hand back on the table, and skipped home to eat some leaves.

Last night you dreamt of me naked in your kitchen, wearing your socks. It was raining, we were wet, but outside the sky was bright blue and the sun was shining down on snow, people were sledging on far away hills, dogs were running and children were laughing.

...and I was like "oh wow!" and the sky opened above me, and the brightest light picked me up, and it was glowing, like the brightest love I have ever felt, and I could hear angels calling me, they were calling my name, not in words but in pure emotion, and I knew exactly what they meant, I had to follow them, I had to follow them to another place, a place full of pure white beauty and acceptance, a lake of bright white bliss, and I fell downwards and upwards both at the same time, and felt like I was floating on an air of voices, far away voices, drifting, like a bird in a dream, semi-concious but pure feeling, falling back, slipping back, into the lake of pure white, drifting on the summer breeze.

And then I was a flower, blowing in the breeze, and I saw somebody running away, but they were in slow motion. The sun sparkled down through the trees, the hillside was green, and the hum of a distant tractor was the only sound.

But then it all faded away, and I realised I was naked in front of a supermarket assistant.

Field of Streams by Nancy

This made me laugh my ass off! I opened up the blog to find just the one short entry: "Today I feel like I am being squeezed through a funnel." I don't know why this made me laugh so much but it did.

We made our drugs fly, and trees bend like the WowTrouser ("Ooh yes, Mavis owns her own telephone box."). This is how it happens in your other life, the one that happens when you aren't here.

I had my first appointment with my Nutrition Consultant today, and it turns out there's 3 possible things wrong with me.

1. First of all, she's 100% certain I've got a food intollerance. She's not sure what yet, but she thinks it's probably either wheat or dairy, since those are the most common. So she's told me to plan to follow a strict elimination diet for 3 weeks. Also, she said that addiction to certain foods is ironically a very good indication that you have an intollerance to it. That might explain why I used to be addicted to cheese, putting grated cheese on everything I ate, whereas now that I don't eat it, I don't miss it at all.

2. Secondly, she thinks I've got a blood sugar imballance, and says that I should avoid all foods with "sugar" listed high in the ingredients list. This is something I was kind of doing already anyway, but she wants me to be even more strict with it. For example, even things like Tomato Ketchup and pasta sauces contain sugar. Also, now I know why I've never got on well with alchohol. Alchohol is basically another form of sugar. Therefore, no wonder I never liked the experience - it was sending my blood sugar level all over the place. At least now I've got a better excuse for why I don't drink. Rather than "I don't like it," it's actually a case of, "my body can't take it, quite literally."

3. Thirdly, I may have a histamine imballance, most probably high, which would explain my lack of body hair, my hayfever, and also my history of mood problems. I've got to have a blood test to determine this, and if it shows an imballance, then there's specific nutrients I'll need to take.

This all means big changes, especially with regards to our shopping habits. I've been told to shop less at standard local supermarkets, and instead to shop at special health supermarkets, where they sell healthier alternatives to various foods, such as lots of low sugar foods (especially low sugar breakfast cereals), wheat free pasta, bread alternatives, and alternatives to dairy.

Anyway, hopefully I'll get this all sorted soon. I've felt pretty good lately. I want that to continue.

It's not winter now (it's summer), but....... One great thing about winter is that it is an opportunity to wear warm winter hats. Warm winter hats are wonderful. Every season has it's good points. Autumn is great because the leaves look so colourful, it makes wonderful walking weather for this reason and also because it's just nicely warm but not too hot. Winter is great because there are no leaves on the trees and this is good because it means you can go for a walk in the woods and see more views. Also, if it's really cold, you can get warmer by walking. Spring is wonderful because the sun is warm but the air is still cool from the winter. Summer is good because you don't have to wear as many clothes, you can go swimming in outdoor pools or at the beach. See good in anything you can't change. Even rain is good, because when you get home and you're soaking wet, you change your clothes and this feels nice. Being really cold in the winter is great fun, because you can warm up when you get home, which is fantastic. The darker time of the year also provides more apportunities for walking in the dark, which is great fun because then you get to see all those lights far away, and you can get pleasantly scared in the woods by switching your torch off. When I used to own a motorbike, I would ride in the dark, and if nobody else was on the road I would turn my bike's light off for a few seconds at a time. It was really scary the first few times I did it. Then it became exciting. Then it became almost like a compulsion. Then I got bored of it. Last winter I used to drive to the swimming pool in my car in the evenings, to go swimming (what else?). One evening, I accidentally left the inside light on in my car, and didn't realise until I got to the other town 9 miles away. Imagine that! Whenever anyone drove the other way, they would have seen my face illuminated! I have never climbed a tree in the dark, not even my favourite tree. Also, I've never climbed a tree naked. Perhaps this year I will climb a tree naked in the dark. Not if it's too cold though. I still want to hang bananas on a tree though. That would definately be fun.

Today I went rasperry picking and it rained. I was the only person there, getting wet and picking (and eating - ooh, naughty me!) rasperries. But what is a bit of rain anyway? Well, actually it wasn't just a bit of rain, it was bucketting it down. But anyway, it's summer (apparently), so it's just like having a shower, except you're outside and you're wearing clothes. Unless of course you're some kind of insane nudist rasperry picker, which I'm not I'll have you know. I'm not! Hey, speaking of naked people, there are these private woods just a few miles away near to a motorway service station, and a while back a lorry driver was caught running naked in the woods. Also, another time a man was spotted naked on a bridge above the same motorway. Hmm, I wonder if it was the same man. If not, perhaps they should get together and go fruit picking. I don't know why I just said that.

http://www.loganwalker.com/Show.htm

Never heard of this guy before, but it made me laugh.

Here are some funny search words which I found on metaspy.

how white are you? quiz
golf streaker advertiser
food [this one kept coming up on nearly every page]
toilet mouth
surreal life
tight camel toe
gas scooter not starting
flying during pregnancy
trampoline springs
i hate drywall cutting
"bicycle" software solitare
pictures of teacup chihuahuas
best vacumn cleaners
mixed teacup puppies
yorkshire/shih tzu mix puppies
nude gymnastics
stockings and supenders
biology of being frazzled

I did a walk today with a woman who is a complete and utter nutcase (and not in a good way). She's part of my walking group, and wants me to help her lead it in October, so we had to walk the route today in advance. What a nightmare. A total freak of nature. I'll be staying as far away from her as possible on the day. Crazy b**ch!

The weather was very nice though...

Went to Gloucester to register with an employment agency. Took a detour home over the hills, whilst listening to an old Iron Maiden tape loudly.

Life is art, or a dream, or both, or disapeering clouds. I dream of open spaces, but sometimes my mind is closed. Sometimes I feel boxed inside myself. Sometimes I feel freerer than a bird. Sometimes I wish it would all go away. Sometimes I wish it would never end. Sometimes time goes too fast - months pass like seconds. What the hell, is this some kind of drug trip??? Yes, life is like a drug, maybe just as dangerous, if you overdose, or underdose.

It's like, weird, man...

He was sat there in the hairdresser's chair. Everything was normal until I walked past the window, then everything went dark. The hairdresser leaned forward:
"I can see into the mirror," he said, spookily.
"I know," said the customer. "Shut up and cut my hair!"
"I can see your face,"
"So can I!"
"Do you want me to lap dance for you?"
"WHAT???? GET OUT OF YOUR SHOP!!!" And so the hairdresser ran out of the shop, and I ran in, pulled he customer out of the chair, and sat down.
"Okay, so what'll it be?" said the customer, now stood behind me.
"A full massage with all the extras," I winked.
"Okay, I'll fetch Melanie..." and off he ran into the street. "MELANIE! MELANIE!" he shouted as he ran through the street.
"Yes?" answered a woman he'd never met before.
"We have a customer."
"Okay," she said, and followed him back to the shop.

Meanwhile, the haidresser had changed his mind ("Hang on, what the hell am I doing???!!!") and ran back. He was so angry that a customer had told him to get out of his own shop, that he ran through the door without even opening it. The customer was so shocked he ran away. Melanie sat in the chair.
"Okay, what'll it be?" asked the hairdresser.
"Well," said Melanie. "I would quite like a bowl of cereal actually."

Then everything faded and all was black, and I realised that I'd been remembering a dream whilst dreaming about walking home from the shops, and there I was, stood on the top of a building in the middle of nowhere. It weas night time. I was tired. I decided to go to sleep. I fell, and landed in a cloud.